The Happiness Question; or, A Year and Some Change

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. 

You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”

-Albert Camus

“So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: 

who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived 

or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?” 

-Hunter S. Thompson

Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side

because it is fake. 

-some cheesy meme on Pinterest

July 28 has come and gone with little fanfare, even though it was the one year anniversary of our time in Spain. Happy Spainniversary to us! 

We are also coming upon our six-year anniversary of living overseas. 

Through it all, people often ask me, "Are you happy?" 

So are you happy you came to Spain? Are you happy you left Cuba? Are you happy you aren't living in the United States? Are you happy you aren't still living in Texas? 

And the questions go on and on. You get the gist.

The thing is, of course we are happy. And if we would have stayed in Texas and never moved overseas, I'm sure we would still be happy because that is all we would know.

That being said, there are a lot of frustrations that go with living so far away from family, so far away from what is within your own comfort zone. There are things you don't realize you really, really miss. Like hearing English spoken everywhere and not having to think in two languages, or dealing with laws that don't seem to make sense to you because that's not how you were raised.

There are days where I just want pickles, peanut butter, coffee creamer, sour cream---all things I can't find in a Spanish grocery store.  There are weird traffic circles and strange weather, indecipherable menu items and clothes sizes that just don't fit right.

I've also written about the duality required when living overseas, of using two systems for everything from weather to grocery shopping. I think I use more of my brain now than ever.

So there's all of that.

Beautiful Sunsets = Happiness

I haven't found the secret of happiness for everyone, but here's what I'm working on:

To be more happy, I have to be less self conscious. I felt a lot of anxiety speaking Spanish at first. I haven't spoken Spanish on a regular basis in more than 15 years, and I've never spoken Castilian Spanish (Spanish from Spain--much different than Spanish from Mexico), so I have had to get over my fear of accidentally using the wrong slang or verb form, or the masculine form of a feminine word. I've had to learn vosotros all over again and actually use it. I've had to use subjunctive, which is everyone's least favorite Spanish verb form. If your eyes are glazing over at this point and you don't understand what I'm talking about, it's okay. I think learning by emersion instead of out of a textbook is the way to go, and those people probably have a lot less hangups about actually using the language than those of us who spent hours conjugating verbs for a grade.

In a pursuit of happiness, I take a cue from my Spanish neighbors. Spain is not a wealthy country. The unemployment rate for all workers in our region of Andalusia is currently 25%. Yet you don't see people complaining about money here. From my experience visiting with my Spanish neighbors and talking to them, I believe Spaniards are more about experiences and less about material things.

Because we've moved 11 times in 25 years (yes, I counted), I don't have three drinking glasses that match anymore. I have so much stuff, we still haven't unpacked some boxes in the garage. Yet I look around and see people who live in houses much smaller than ours, with no room to store junk, and they could not care any less about plates, glasses, flatware, furniture, anything else matching. And they are happy. Really, really happy.

And I wish I could be more like that, as well.

I know it sounds idealistic and there are definite hardships people here endure with the high unemployment rate, but healthcare is super cheap, groceries are fresh and healthier and cost MUCH less than in the US, and people walk, ride bikes, or take the bus instead of living beyond their means to buy a fancy car.

Living here means we can experience those things as well, as long as we are willing to go to the doctor and buy things on the economy.

Living so far away from family and missing graduations, reunions, birthdays, weddings, and funerals is really, really difficult. Going yet another year without seeing friends makes you evaluate how strong your friendship bonds really are. Can you pick right back up like you never left? Or will you just re-hash the past and have nothing new in common?

So happiness is also having faith that hopefully I have changed into a less materialistic person (and a little more worldly), but my friends and family I love will know that at the core, I'm the same goofy person I have always been, and we can share laughs over a cup (or pint) with ease. That is the happiest feeling in the world.